I turned 46 on April 3rd, and I felt this burning need to share the story of my personal experience with community in the last 6 years. Community kept me alive through severe PPD and PPA, and then barely helped me at all through a series of very difficult trials because *I* thought I should be able to do it alone.
I was wrong. Let me be your cautionary tale and lean in with me as we continue to explore the power of healthy community.
*************************************
If you're a woman who appreciates connecting with other women in community with vulnerability and compassion, please join us in the Solidarity Sister! Facebook group at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/716800349946338/
The Solidarity Sister! Book Club has begun and runs through the end of May. We're reading Brené Brown's Gifts of Imperfection over a period of 15 weeks, and connecting via Zoom and Marco Polo. Find more info in the FB group. Sign up at https://forms.gle/ZHpfhd8hwCpw6NL2A
FB: The Solidarity Sister Podcast IG: @solidaritysister.kristinwilson
I turned 46 on April 3rd, and I felt this burning need to share the story of my personal experience with community in the last 6 years. Community kept me alive through severe PPD and PPA, and then barely helped me at all through a series of very difficult trials because *I* thought I should be able to do it alone.
I was wrong. Let me be your cautionary tale and lean in with me as we continue to explore the power of healthy community.
*************************************
If you're a woman who appreciates connecting with other women in community with vulnerability and compassion, please join us in the Solidarity Sister! Facebook group at:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/716800349946338/
The Solidarity Sister! Book Club has begun and runs through the end of May. We're reading Brené Brown's Gifts of Imperfection over a period of 15 weeks, and connecting via Zoom and Marco Polo. Find more info in the FB group. Sign up at https://forms.gle/ZHpfhd8hwCpw6NL2A
FB: The Solidarity Sister Podcast IG: @solidaritysister.kristinwilson
Welcome to a birthday bonus episode of Solidarity Sister with Kristin Wilson. This episode I recorded on my birthday, but I really wanted to spend the time with my people. I had my oldest daughter home, I had all of my other kids and my husband at home, and I really just wanted to spend the time being present with them, so I didn't get it all edited in time to go out. Wednesday was actually supposed to have an interview episode that I had worked on the editing for and then that guest asked if I could push the episode off, but only on Wednesday. And I wasn't going to spend my birthday editing another one of the interviews that I've done and getting that ready. So I'm changing things up just a little bit this week. You'll have this bonus birthday episode to listen to now. And then on Friday, we'll do a double header of my regular Friday minisode, as well as an interview episode, the kind that I usually release on Wednesdays. So there's just some extra Solidarity Sister goodness coming out. This episode that I recorded, I did very little editing on. When you're about to listen to, I spoke from a place of deep vulnerability. With a message that I really felt like I needed to share. So I hope that this resonates with you and that you feel of the love that I have in my heart for you. If we haven't met yet, reach out to me. I would love to hear your story and thank you for taking the time to listen to mine. Outro music plays
Kristin:
Hey friend, I have this feeling in my heart that there is someone out there and it might be you that needs to hear my story today. So I'm being brave and coming to share with you the feelings on my heart. Six years ago today, I gave birth to my eighth baby on my 40th birthday. I was 41 weeks pregnant and I had gone early on a few babies before that. It was a rough day. It was not my best labor. I really wanted to go out on a great one, but I did not. She was born healthy and safe. And that night the nurses came to me and said, We have had a loss in the room next door. We are going to have family members, this is a large family loss, they're going to be in and out saying their goodbyes all night. Would you like to move to another room so that this family does not disturb you? My heart broke for this mama that was holding this brand new baby. And I knew that she was not going to be holding her baby. And so I said, I would not be disturbed by the family members coming in and out. However, I don't want my baby's cries to disturb this grieving mama. I would love to move to the furthest room that you have so that I do not disturb her any worse in her grief. A couple of days later, I discovered that this mama was one of my friends and I hadn't realized it that she had gone into labor at the same time that I was having my baby. And so six years ago, Today, she lost a son, and I'm still grieving with her, and that really hit me profoundly. I had a lot of survivor's guilt, kind of a feeling, that I had this baby. I thought about her baby so much in those beginning weeks. And I had some difficult experiences that came about during that time. And also my body just went out of whack. You think if you've had seven babies that you know what a postpartum recovery is going to look like. But sometimes it just doesn't go at all as planned and I was in the deep, dark place. of severe postpartum depression and anxiety. In fact, I took my baby girl to one of her checkups with our pediatrician, who's also our friend and our neighbor. And I failed that screening so miserably. And he said, does Dave know how bad it is? And I said, no, nobody knows. And He told me that if I didn't tell Dave by 8 a. m. the next day that he would. It was bad. I was googling support groups for children who had lost a parent to suicide. Because I didn't think that I could live anymore. And it was a horrifying time for me. But through the grace of God and a great community. People lifted me up when I could not do it for myself. They circled the wagons. I got on a medication. That might not be the right answer for everyone, but it absolutely was life saving for me. And for a period of time, every day, the only things I focused on were nursing this baby and keeping her alive and keeping myself alive. I watched more trashy TV during that time period than ever before or since. I don't even like TV, but it was just whatever could distract me to keep me here long enough. And we pulled our kids in and we said, Hey, I'm not okay. And you're going to notice that I'm going to spend more time in my bedroom and I'm not going to be able to engage right now, but you need to know that I am seeking professional help and I am getting assistance and I will get better because kids, they're so smart and they know when the temperature in your house changes, you can't hide it from them. And so your options are to pretend that Which makes them even more uncomfortable, or give them some age appropriate answers. And so that's what we did. Fast forward a little bit, I came out of that time period, and I actually was in a place of thriving. We'd had several years of struggle in our family, and just a number of trials and really difficult, heart wrenching things for me. And I was in a super good place. I was taking really good care of my physical health and my mental health, and I really was in this place of thriving. And then my husband on August 16th, 2021, went into the ICU with COVID and spent several days there more than a week, and he was at the maximum air that he could have a hundred percent. saturation, 50 liters per minute. The next step up was a ventilator and it was very critical and I was recovering from COVID and we had all these children and tragically he went in to the hospital on one of our kids birthdays. It was in the early morning hours so this child woke up discovering that both parents were gone and then that her dad was being admitted into the ICU and I cannot describe. The ramifications for anyone who's been there, it is so much more far reaching than just recovering from the illness, right? So you come to this place where you are financially struggling. If this is a, you know, in our situation, this is by far and away the primary breadwinner here. There are mental struggles. there's like a depression that comes from getting over this. There's just the physical toll. Dave came home on oxygen, for some months and it was just a lot. And then we had some different kids who went through some really, Tough stuff that the kind of stuff that I don't broadcast publicly, but suffice it to say it was rough parents that are aging and having their own health challenges and issues there and I just fell apart and for whatever reason Because when this all started I was in such a good place. I fooled myself into believing that That not only could I make it through all of these things without assistance, without people to support me, really, or to know what was going on, from friends, from professional help, from anything, that I could do this, and not only could I, that I should, but I And I don't know why it was, the thing that got me through, through the postpartum depression and anxiety and all of that, was honestly, so much about other people lifting me up. So why when I went through all these other trials and some of them are things sometimes we have kids, especially like teenage kids that go through some really heavy things and it doesn't feel safe or appropriate to go talk about that openly. Sure, we're going to talk about it openly when it's potty training, you know, when our kids are little and it's like everybody is kind of going through this or whatever and it doesn't feel like we are invading their privacy. When we have teenage and young adult kids going through really deep heavy stuff and we are trying to walk that with them, we have to have support people. We do. And it is our story and your support people are not blasting it on Facebook to everyone, but you need a couple of safe people that you can say all the things to and you need to say all the things. I did not do that. I isolated my own little self and allowed my mental health and my physical health, like, all All the health to decline because I was stuck in this place of feeling like I had so many tools at this point. I was old enough to have had experience. I was the adultier adult in the room. I should be able to do this, but I was wrong. I hate the saying that God never gives us more than we can handle because that is absolutely not true. God gives us more than we can handle all the time. So that, we will do one of two things. We will reach out to him, and we will reach out to the community around us. We were not meant to do it alone. We were meant to allow others to lift us up. We were meant to be in community. We are born into families. Okay, we aren't some species that's like, Hatched in some random egg that comes out and then there's no one there, which there are some creatures that do work that way. and that is not how we were built. We were placed here in families. And if you're family, you're like, I wish I'd been placed in a different family because my family just made my life worse. Okay, that does happen. And you're going to definitely have some healing to do and you are going to get to be the one who creates the safety that you never had and you are going to be the one that's strong enough to do that with the assistance of those around you who can reach in and lift you up because you can find your safe people and if you haven't found them yet. You keep looking and be open to the idea that just maybe they can exist. I went through all of these things alone when I didn't have to, because I felt like I should. And I would have never done that to anyone else. If any friend had come to me, and poured their heart out with some of what they were going through. I would just hold space for them. I would sit with them in that. I would see if there were tangible things I could do. Sometimes there are really practical things you can do to serve someone else. Sometimes there aren't those really practical things. And in that case, I would be looking at just literally holding space for someone sitting in the mud with them until they were able to find a way out. But then at least they wouldn't be mired in that mud alone. And that is what we're here for. We are here to support each other. We are here to lift each other up. But sometimes you might be like, I don't know how. I felt like I didn't know how to reach out at that time. I now have way more ideas about how to reach out. I've started a whole podcast about that and I am learning so much and I invite you to come and learn along with me if this is something that you feel like you're lacking. The other place where sometimes I felt like I didn't know how to reach out was when something happened to a friend of mine and I didn't know what to say or how to handle it. And I have learned a lot more tools about that too. And we talk about that on the podcast, but the value of knowing that. Here's what I've learned about that by the way. If your heart is right, meaning you are not showing up to your neighbor when you found out that their husband cheated on them and is leaving them, do not show up at that neighbor's house so you can get the tea. If that's why you're going, you might as well just stay home. You are helping no one. Okay? If your heart goes out to them and you're like, that is horrible. I feel so sad and I wish I could do something for them. And your heart is coming from that place of love. Go over there. Even if you say the wrong words, the energy that you are bringing into that space will be enough. Do your best to get the words right. Really, less words, more listening. That's really err on the side of caution. But if you have a friend who is going through it with cancer, with, with a loss of a child, with a loss of a spouse, with severe financial issues, and maybe you're like, well, I know that the financial issues are really bad, that I don't have enough money to help. Okay, then go listen. You know, share what you do have. Maybe take a meal if you have extra one day. Do the small things, and that's okay. But show up. What I've learned in doing this podcast so far, which, by the way, God called me to do this podcast. And if you don't believe in God, that's okay. But maybe you believe in a higher power. Maybe you believe in the universe. Maybe you believe in the power of tuning in with your own intuition and being able to get that gut feeling. But that is what I got that I needed to start a podcast. That this was the name that I should use kind of came to me and that this was the concept because way too many people are doing what I did when we started with the COVID part of our lives that chapter. and isolating and struggling. And we don't need to do that. And we weren't wired for that. We were wired for connection. So if you want to celebrate my birthday with me, this is what I'm asking you to do. You have options. Okay. Option one. Reach out to a friend. Do it. Either choose a friend that you know is struggling and reach out, even if you're awkward, especially if you're awkward. I am very awkward a lot of the time. Just own it. Go with it. Reach out to the friend. Number two, reach out to a friend if you are in need. Have a safe friend. I will be your safe friend if you don't have one. Find me on social media. Reach out to me. I will hold space for your story. Do not do it alone. I am telling you, reach out to me. Reach out to someone that's safe. Reach out to a sibling that's safe, a friend that's safe. Anyone that you're like, that person, I think would be safe with my story. Not everyone will be safe, but you know, you can feel it. Reach out to who's safe. That's option two, or you know what? You can do more than one. So you could do both of those. Option three, please share the podcast with someone else. Think of who in your circle would benefit from that, or if there's a group that you're in, just share it. Share a link to your favorite episode, share a link to the podcast a whole. I'm not going to be for everyone. If it is for you, leave a rating, leave a review, share it, subscribe to it. Get the value that's there. So there's three options for you, but please build community where you are and know this one of the things that's come out of this podcasting journey for me is that self care is at the heart of healthy communities. It goes both ways. We have to do some of the work for ourselves to be able to show up in community. And if you feel like, so it's, it's a little bit, sometimes it can be a catch 22. Okay. If you want to show up in community, but you are so tapped out that you feel like you have nothing to offer. Okay. Show up to community. Let us support you because that is a form of self care for you. And then you will find other ways to care for yourself and increase your resiliency, which will allow you to then give back to the community. So we don't want to come into a community and just be a taker, but there are seasons in that season where I was just trying to stay alive. Let me tell you, I didn't have the bandwidth to do anything else for anyone. I could not make food. I could not wash clothing. I could not not shower. A lot of the time I could just stay alive. That's all I could do. If that's where you are, please reach out. Let us support you because look at me now. I'm not in that place anymore. Do I cry sometimes? Totally. Do I sometimes come out in my car and film podcast episodes? Yes. Other times do I come out on my car and actually scream and cry? Also yes. It's a great buffer. Sometimes I have to do that because sometimes life is still really hard, but it's getting better. It's getting better as I am connecting with more and more people because we were wired for connection. Thank you for being part of the Solidarity Sister community. We needed you.