Solidarity Sister!
Solidarity Sister!
How to Hold Peace and Serenity | Ep 54
Today I was pondering some profound words from Whitney Doherty, way back in episode 3. Whitney has made peace and serenity an important part of her life focus, and I realized, that I really could do this too. Learn the difference between being nice and being kind, and the be inspired to cultivate more serenity in your own life.
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Hello, and welcome to another mini sode of Solidarity Sister with Kristin Wilson, where we continue on in our quest to cultivate our community building skills and lean into meaningful friendships. Self care and self love are at the heart of community building, so we're also exploring how to care for ourselves so we can better connect in relationships. We weren't meant to do life alone, and I'm so glad you're here to do life with me. Today, I'm going to share with you a little snippet from way back in Episode 9 with Whitney Doherty. That interview kind of blew my mind because Whitney talked about how living with peace and serenity was a goal of hers, and she thought that anyone could choose to live that way. And I was thinking Are you kidding me? I live a life of chaos. How could that even be different? Like, is that even possible? It was a huge paradigm shift for me, I mean, I have seven children still living at home. There are three dogs. There are lots of activities. There's just so much hustle and bustle in life that the idea of living with peace and serenity just seemed unattainable to me. But as I've continued to ponder over Whitney's words, I've realized I actually have been on a quest for peace and that you actually can have peace and serenity even in the midst of a life of chaos and even trials that you didn't expect. So getting to that part of peace and serenity that Whitney talked about, it had to do with boundaries and surrendering that which we cannot control. Listen in.
Whitney:Mind your own business. is something like, as a kid you hated to hear, right? Your parent would tell you mind your own business and you hated that. As an adult, I think it's one of the most important rules. Mind your own business. Your life is not my business. What is right for you is not my business. I do not know what is right for you. You do not know what is right for me. Mind your own business. Keep the focus on yourself and decide what's right for you. And if in your lens is your family or whatever it is, that's your business, your decisions. The rest of it is not. Mine is mine, and yours is yours. And if we had more respect within that realm of our world, we'd be so much better off. How could I possibly know what is right for you? I couldn't. I could not. I don't know your lived experience. I don't know your point of view. I don't know your needs. I don't know, as you said with your child, You have one child who wants that steady 9 to 5 job, you have others that would absolutely just bristle at that idea. You could only know that through time, and you can only do the best you can as a parent to observe that. But you can't actually know what's right for them, they're still gonna know what's best for them. You can give them ideas, you can give them guidance, you can support, lead them on this path, but it's really up to them. And until we get to a space where everybody minds their own business, and gets off of having opinions and judgments about other people, I just really don't know what we have. So, to me, yes, accountability has always been about support and community and collaboration. But one of the best things you can ever have is very healthy boundaries. And there is a reason that good fences make good neighbors. And I think that we need to remember that. Stop looking across at other people and comparing and despairing and judging and critiquing and deciding. Stop. Like, here's the focus. This is what you need to look at. This is the work you need to do. And in some ways, when it goes back to our original part of this conversation, which is around serenity, there's not a lot of serenity and peace when I'm looking outward at you and deciding how you should be living your life. And so there is so much more available serenity and peace when I am focused right here in the only thing that I can control, my life. And even that, I don't have full control over. So all I can do is the best that I can do, and keep showing up for me.
Kristin:I think the things Whitney pointed out are really anti community. Comparison is really anti community. Judgment. It is anti community. It turns you away from being able to feel part of a community. or to actually build a community that does anything that's meaningful in that community space. We have to step back and surrender the outcomes of what people are doing and their own choices. When we're talking a difference of opinion, we need to keep showing up. When we're talking behaviors that are personally harmful to us, we need to guard our peace by honoring strong boundaries and removing ourselves. I've been reflecting recently on just how little control I have over the actions of other people. I've spent a lot of time focusing on doing my best to take control of my own thoughts, my own habits, and my own behaviors. I often tell my kids that how others treat you is a reflection of their character and their issues and how you treat others. is a reflection of your character and your issues. It can be so tempting to return venom when we're bitten, but there is so much more serenity and peace in showing up in a way that is in alignment with our values. Now, please don't misunderstand me and think I am asking you to show up repeatedly in spaces where you are being mistreated. There is a difference between nice and kind. Nice has no boundaries, and it's all about keeping up appearances. Kindness will stand up for itself, but will do so from a grounded space. There does not need to be meanness in keeping boundaries. I am not a fan of nice, but I place a high value on kindness. So try it this week and put the serenity prayer to work. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Let's spend our energy not on worrying so much about what others are doing or thinking, but on what steps we can take to build beautiful lives for ourselves and for our loved ones. Let's give our friends grace and love, even when their choices are not the ones that we would make. And let's protect our peace. We are worth it. So one last thought that I really want to leave here about peace and serenity is that for me, a huge part of accessing that has been directly related to where my personal spirituality is at. I am a person that goes to church, but going to church doesn't necessarily make you spiritual. And not going to church doesn't necessarily mean you also are not connected to the divine. But for me, the times that I I'm spend time in praise music and reading in scripture and praying and meditating. Those things all contribute a lot to my peace and serenity. And I think that I would feel remiss if I didn't point that out. So your journey may be different and that may not be what works for you, but that has surely been a source of peace for me. I want to thank all of you listeners so much for going on this community building journey with me. I cannot express the depth of gratitude I feel when someone mentions that they listened to an episode and benefited from it, or when I see continued downloads or new reviews. Thank you for being part of the Solidarity Sister community. We needed you.